Domestic Oblivion

I Thought I Was Past This

You know when you have an infant, and you’re getting up during the night more times than you can count?  How you feel like crap, everything is overwhelming, long distance phone company commercials make you cry, and you’re just so very sure that if you could just get a decent night of sleep you’d be OK?  Well, my kids are now 8,9,11, and 12 and I’ve had a week like that.

This morning I received an email that went like this:  “what’s new and how are you?”.

Here’s my answer.

“Last night I went to bed at 11PM, only to be woken up at 2AM by Davie O’s snoring.  He  was snoring because he took not one but two Ambien and was so dead to the world that I couldn’t even get him to roll over.  I was woken up again at 3AM because Bowman somehow lost all his covers and although he wasn’t able to locate them, he was able to walk down a flight of stairs, wake me up, and ask to sleep in my bed. I was then woken up at 4 AM when Bowman, who apparently didn’t really appreciate what had already happened to me, smashed me in the face with his elbow. At 5AM when he did an instant replay with the elbow, and Davie-O was still snoring on both the inhale and exhale, I removed the snoring, farting bulldog that was sleeping between my legs and went down stairs to get my remaining 45 minutes of sleep in the recliner. The kitchen timer went off at 6AM and I started the whole clown show again.”

Not to be a downer, but if you have little kids and you’re hanging onto a thread, and that thread just happens to be the idea that someday, in the near future, you’ll be able to sleep through the night uninterrupted, I’m here to trample on your dream.

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